I am a wife to Brian, mother to 3 beautiful children, daughter, sister, friend...to name a few.
But who am I really?
Somehow I bought into the lie that if I poured myself into the lives of others I would lose myself...
I made the mistake of thinking that my life was essentially all about me...
and I was lonely and sad and unfulfilled.
I began to think that perhaps I just wasn't "cut out" to be a full time mom and homemaker. All I needed was something else, something more would certainly fill the longing in my heart...
At my lowest point, I scanned the help wanted ads secretly after my husband went to work. I was willing to give up being at home to seek personal fulfillment. But none of the jobs seemed to be what I wanted. And I cried out to God in my frustration,
What do you want from me?
What do you want me to be?
God answered me, and I heard it as clearly as if he spoke out loud:
I want you to be mine.
|image courtesy of graur razvan ionut freedigitalphotos.net|
At that moment, I saw my attempts in a new light... I was not seeking to find myself, I was seeking fulfillment in something other than Christ. My motivation was not nearly as altruistic as I had lied myself into believing...I was NOT seeking to be a better mother to Precious Girl by being "fulfilled". I was being selfish and it was ugly.
You see, who I am is really not that important. On my own strength I am frail and often unable or even unwilling...
But Jesus is all-sufficient.
And when I allow my life to be an outpouring of his love for me, I am willing...I am able...I am much more than I could ever be on my own.
Who I am is not so important after all...
Knowing WHOSE I am makes all the difference.