Wednesday, August 03, 2011

A change of heart...

I've been praying for a change of heart about a situation in my life for a while. It's one of those situations that isn't going to change on its own so the only solution is to change my attitude and my approach. 

I thought I was praying fervently for this change of heart, but nothing had happened. God was even uncharacteristically silent about it. I just couldn't understand what was going on. 

But yesterday as my thoughts spun to this situation and how I was going to fix it all day long, I gasped in horror as I realized that God couldn't change my heart. 

I hadn't really laid this problem down, expectantly waiting for his solution. I was toying with it, turning it over in my mind and my heart...desperately trying to "fix it" myself... You see, He wasn't going to fix anything in me while I was still trying to maintain control...

I'd love nothing more than to have God divinely fix everything, but I know that what I need is an attitude transplant and a change of heart.

It finally happened when I truly laid it at the cross. I confessed that I was trying too hard to fix things in my own power (and making a terrible mess of it), I thanked God that He was in control and that He would change my point of view...

And he did...

When my anxiety and hang-wringing changed to a peace and a quiet joy that could only have come from heaven, why was I surprised? 

The situation remains, yet I am not worried any more. I wait in expectation that everything will be ok...someday... But until that day comes, I can say it is well with my soul. 

Monday, August 01, 2011

A time for...nothing??!!

When a new Rainbow Resource Homeschool catalog arrives in the mail it's like Christmas for me! I cannot wait to dig in and dream over what we'll cover in school. A new school year...It's a wonderful blank slate and I have visions of lesson plans dancing in my head. I am always so excited to dig in to our new adventure.

But this year, that wonderful catalog sat collecting dust in my schoolroom...

You see, last summer was the summer of my martyrdom. I spent every spare moment (agonizing!) planning for the coming year.

Last summer, I was determined to have every single "I" dotted and "T" crossed. All of my lessons for the homeschool year were planned out in meticulous detail including a weekly list of books to request from the library. It was a sight to behold. I was finally going to be organized! Hooray for me!

By the time August rolled around, we were about to begin school - I was completely prepared...

and totally burnt out!!!

I spent so much time planning and preparing that I forgot to take time out to relax and enjoy our summer break. 

This summer, I officially turned in my "supermom" cape and decided to tone things down a bit...(that meant deciding that I wasn't going to write my own History course after all)...

Instead, I sat in the sun and got a tan. I read 20 or so books that I've always wanted to read. I worked in the garden. I tried new recipes. I hung out with my kids. I even took a few naps.

And I feel WONDERFUL!!!

So, when I finally dusted off (yes, it really was dusty) the Rainbow catalog and decided to buy our school supplies, I felt ready to tackle a new year of homeschooling.

Ecclesiastes chapter 3 tells us that "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens..." Maybe, just maybe, there is also a season for resting from our labors and just enjoying the beauty of unscripted, unstructured days.

This year, I may not have lesson plans to dazzle, but the peaceful feeling I do have is totally worth it.