Holding my own torch...

Why am I doing this?

Have you ever asked yourself that question? Usually, it is accompanied with lots of sighing and perhaps with hands raised in the air...

It's hard at the end of the year to see the finish line, but also know there are many days left to fill...Your energy (and perhaps your enthusiasm) is lagging, and you may wonder if you have the strength to go on...

The hardest part of a race is always that last little bit before the finish line. The part where you are certain that you cannot take another step forward, your strength is gone and you are

just 

plain 

tired.

I've been feeling a bit burnt out lately. The cumulative effect of 160 completed days of school and the daily management of our household seems to have caught up with me.

Spending time in God's word has been a source of strength, but honestly, sometimes I still feel like I'm running on empty.

It doesn't help much that this is the busiest time of the year for our family. Precious Girl is taking extra dance classes to help her in upcoming competitions, Little Man (and his daddy) are in full baseball mode...There is only one evening a week that we have nothing on our schedule...

But the problem really isn't our schedule or the fact that I still have 20 school days to log.

I've taken my eyes off of the goal. Instead of seeing the finish line just ahead, and knowing I can make it; I've started to focus on the bumps in the road ahead. And boy, do those hills look big when I'm trying to run in my own strength...

The problem? I'm walking in the light of my own torch. Isaiah 50: 11 is a sobering reminder to all of us who are attempting to carry a torch to light our own paths.

image courtesy John Kasawa
freedigitalphotos.net

Behold, all you who kindle a fire,
who equip yourselves with burning torches!
Walk by the light of your fire,
and by the torches that you have kindled!
This you have from my hand:
you shall lie down in torment.

                        Isaiah 50:11 ESV

The verse just prior to this one is a beautiful reminder of how we should walk with the Lord...

Who among you fears the Lord?
and obeys the voice of his servant?
Let him who walks in darkness
and has no light
trust in the name of the Lord
and rely on his God.
     Isaiah 50:10 ESV

The choice is simple. I can either choose to continue to walk in my own feeble understanding and live in torment or I can put my hand in the hand of the Lord and let him guide me with the light of his eternal perspective.

I don't know about you, but my arms are weary of holding my own torch. My own understanding is too limited. The light I cast is feeble and dim.

I want to be so close to my Savior that it is hard to tell where he stops and I begin. I want to walk in simple faith and trust and let him lead me to the finish line

no matter how far I have to go.

Linking Up:
These Five of Mine...
The Better Mom