Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Perfectly equipped...

We've been dealing with some sickness around here lately. My frailty and insufficiency seem insurmountable in times when I am so needed. I am poignantly aware of my inability to do anything besides minister to my family's needs.

God, I feel...so...not enough...help me!

image courtesy of arkorn freedigitalphotos.net

It is that feeling of helplessness that brings my thinking down and I become weary and (dare I admit it?) irritable...I feel like I need to explain to my loved ones, I'm doing everything I can. I am sorry it isn't enough...

But God showed me that it is...

image courtesy of renjith krishnan freedigitalphotos.net

Growing up, my mother seemed perfectly calm and able to deal with any illness. She is a nurse and that is her calling. And I often wish, in the face of sickness, that I could be more like her...

Me? I just want to cry and maybe run away... And I have to repeat: I will not throw up, (breathe,) I will not throw up...as I tell Little Man that it will be ok.

He looks at me with those beautifully clear not-quite-blue eyes, and says, "I love you, Mommy. I'm glad you are here."

And I realize that my children and husband don't need me to be like my mother.

They need... me. 

The me that cries and fusses over them when they are sick. The me that prays over them. The me that gets mad at sickness of any kind and considers germ elimination a kind of mommy-warfare...

I needed to transform my thinking by renewing my mind...
I don't need to be supermom.
It's ok that I hurt when my precious children are sick.
It's ok if I cry when I hold them.
It's ok that I am not perfect. They don't need or expect me to be.

So as I scrub, I pray. I try to recall as many scriptures as I can about health and healing... And I can point their eyes to a loving God who heals. And so, I am...enough.

I am imperfectly perfectly equipped to be there for my children.

And I can smile at yet another spiritual truth I have learned while in the trenches of mothering.

Linking up:
Growing Home: Teach Me Tuesday
Far Above Rubies: Domestically Divine
Time Warp Wife: Titus 2 Tuesdays


Mandy said...

I can really identify with this. I struggle with emetophobia (fear of vomiting in self or others) and I HATE it when my kids are sick. I tears my heart out and rips it to shreds. Every Sunday I find myself begging God to protect my kids from whatever is going around (I homeschool, too, so the big germ exposure time is church for us). I want to be a strong capable mom to my kids, but it's so hard when I struggle with this huge fear that hovers over me all the time, but especially in the winter. Thanks for the reminder that I don't have to try to be someone I'm not. While I don't want to accept my fears and am committed to battling against them with God's help every day, I also don't want to beat myself up. I hope you and your family are well again soon!

Tracey said...

I think mothering has taught me just as much about myself as it has about our children. Thank God that He is sufficient to strengthen us in our weaknesses and carry us through the difficult days!

Kristi Slattery said...

Mandy and Tracey, Thank you for your kind words! Mandy, I pray that you will overcome your fear! Tracey, you are so right, mothering is a wonderful revealer of character!