At a loss for words...

Sometimes there are no words. I'm a very verbal person and so it is rare that I find myself with nothing to say. Lately, however, I have come across many situations for which I have no words. At first it made me very uncomfortable - awkward silence is not my cup of tea - but now I'm coming to grips with the fact that sometimes there just aren't any words to say, and perhaps more importantly, my words are unnecessary.

My sick friend doesn't need me to tell her how sorry I am. She needs me to listen while she talks, to hold her hand and stroke her hair when the pain is bad. She doesn't need my words; she needs my presence and the love that I can show her without saying a word.

My friend was horribly betrayed by someone she loves. Again, she doesn't need my words. She needs me to hold her while she cries, to listen as she speaks, to laugh at her thin attempts at humor, to be there for her when the bottom dropped out of her world.

My words alone cannot fix anything.  Maybe it's not so much that my words aren't correct, but that they aren't enough. Saying "I'm so sorry" seems empty at best. Maybe it's not about saying "I love you", but about demonstrating love, being the hands and feet of Christ. My words are only truly powerful when I'm on my knees praying for my friends.

There is a time to speak and a time to listen. There is a time for words and a time to act. I pray that God will help me to discern what is needed, and also help me to keep quiet so He can speak through me.

Highs and lows...

There has been a bit of a poem floating around in my head lately... "and when she was good, she was very, very good; and when she was bad, she was horrid." (I think it's Longfellow, but I'd have to check to be sure.) Anyway, it seems like this sentiment is quite applicable to our homeschooling adventure this year. When it is good, it is a wonderful, blissful, I-can't-ever-imagine-doing-anything-else kind of feeling. When it is bad...well, you get the idea.

As I was reflecting on all of this, the wind blew a door shut somewhere upstairs. The resulting loud noise and startled scream from one of the children was enough to wake up an already-grouchy toddler. Nap time is "my" time and I had a lot I needed to get done. I could feel my blood start to boil. "Who didn't prop their door open???" It was an accusation, not a question really.

Well, as it turns out, it was me. I was the culprit. Sigh!

Properly humbled, I put the toddler back down for the rest of her much-needed nap, and apologized to my other children for assuming it was one of them who left the offending door un-propped.

As I sat back down, I prayerfully re-evaluated our situation. The problem isn't so much that we've had some rough patches so far this year in our homeschooling. I expect we always will. The problem is, that is what I am focusing on. God gently reminded me to take a step back and enjoy the journey. Just a few moments before the door blew shut, I was thanking God for the beautiful breeze. How quickly I was irritated by something that was, while I was focused on God, seen as a blessing. I need to remember that I am completely dependent on God to do what He has called me to do. I'll only ever be disappointed when I focus on my agenda, and not His calling.

Does this mean tomorrow will be perfect? I seriously doubt it. But it will be His perfect will for my life.