...let us run with endurance the race set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith...
Hebrews 12: 1 - 2
I really don't have it all together like I thought. (I'm certain that I'm the only person surprised by this admission.) I've spent hours planning our school year and so far I've accomplished very little of what I planned to do. Nothing has been working out like I thought...and that is exactly where God wants me to be.
So many things went wrong one day that I literally fell to my knees and prayed, "What do you want from me, Lord?" His answer: everything.
He wants all of me, not just the parts I'm willingly giving. The hymn "I Surrender All" came to my mind and I realized that my version was more like "I surrender most of my life, but I'm still going to keep control of this stuff over here." Needless to say, this isn't where God wants me to be.
He brought me to the end of myself countless times lately and gently asked, are you ready to go deeper? I've taken steps of faith in obedience not knowing the next step. I've laid aside feelings, choosing instead to react the way I know I should - praying that my heart will follow. I let go of my plans for school and dared to dream God's dreams for my children's education this year. That has been a struggle, but God has rewarded my efforts. I wonder why it's taken so long to realize that God's dreams are better than mine.
I realize he is sanding off some rough edges so that I am more "usable." He loves me enough to care about those deep recesses of my heart.
It hasn't been easy. What I know now (perhaps more than ever) is that keeping my eyes on Jesus makes it easier to keep going - even when I am running on empty. He's never tired, never too busy, never out of grace for my feeble efforts. When I am at the end of myself, Jesus can fill me completely because there is nothing to stand in his way.
It's going to be a good year!
Monday, August 16, 2010
Monday, August 09, 2010
Healing...
This weekend I dealt with a lot of boo-boos.
A scraped foot and turned ankle were easily fixed. There weren't even many tears to dry (I'm brave now, mommy.) A fall down the stairs - again - brought a lot of tears (from both mommy and child). But despite an angry-looking knot on the head and a bruised nose (did you even know your nose could bruise??) the injury was fixed with ice and a lot of TLC. I think the lollipop helped too.
There was another injury this weekend too, but ice and tylenol can't heal this kind...
I've known that something has been bothering my precious daughter for a while. I can usually tell. I also knew that pressing her to talk to me wasn't the right thing. So I waited...and I prayed for the right time to come. It came unexpectedly during a shopping trip yesterday. Had I not really been listening, I may have missed the opportunity. As we were driving home, in the midst of random conversation and laughter, the hurt was revealed.
Sadly, some wounds cannot be fixed with band-aids or tylenol. Feeling uncomfortable in your own skin is never a small thing. I can tell her she is beautiful just as she is, but I can't make her believe it. Oh, that there was an easy answer! These wounds pierce flesh and go directly to the heart. My tears and understanding were really all I could offer. Thankfully, I could also remind her that she is fearfully and wonderfully made for a special purpose - one that only she can fulfill. I could point her eyes to a Heavenly Father who loves her with a perfect love even greater than my own. I can only hurt with her; I can't fix it.
I once heard it said that being a mom is like having your heart walk around outside your body. I'm beginning to understand the truth of that statement. Physical wounds are healed and kissed away and ultimately forgotten. Emotional wounds can scar in ways that are hidden. There is a lesson here, and it is this: I can't possibly do this on my own. I can't fix these unseen hurts, but I can point my sweet girl to the One who can. I'm thankful that as she grows and matures she will begin to see herself through the eyes of the one who made her. My tears may help for a moment, but God's love will heal.
A scraped foot and turned ankle were easily fixed. There weren't even many tears to dry (I'm brave now, mommy.) A fall down the stairs - again - brought a lot of tears (from both mommy and child). But despite an angry-looking knot on the head and a bruised nose (did you even know your nose could bruise??) the injury was fixed with ice and a lot of TLC. I think the lollipop helped too.
There was another injury this weekend too, but ice and tylenol can't heal this kind...
I've known that something has been bothering my precious daughter for a while. I can usually tell. I also knew that pressing her to talk to me wasn't the right thing. So I waited...and I prayed for the right time to come. It came unexpectedly during a shopping trip yesterday. Had I not really been listening, I may have missed the opportunity. As we were driving home, in the midst of random conversation and laughter, the hurt was revealed.
Sadly, some wounds cannot be fixed with band-aids or tylenol. Feeling uncomfortable in your own skin is never a small thing. I can tell her she is beautiful just as she is, but I can't make her believe it. Oh, that there was an easy answer! These wounds pierce flesh and go directly to the heart. My tears and understanding were really all I could offer. Thankfully, I could also remind her that she is fearfully and wonderfully made for a special purpose - one that only she can fulfill. I could point her eyes to a Heavenly Father who loves her with a perfect love even greater than my own. I can only hurt with her; I can't fix it.
I once heard it said that being a mom is like having your heart walk around outside your body. I'm beginning to understand the truth of that statement. Physical wounds are healed and kissed away and ultimately forgotten. Emotional wounds can scar in ways that are hidden. There is a lesson here, and it is this: I can't possibly do this on my own. I can't fix these unseen hurts, but I can point my sweet girl to the One who can. I'm thankful that as she grows and matures she will begin to see herself through the eyes of the one who made her. My tears may help for a moment, but God's love will heal.
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