Rewind...

They were fighting already. It didn't matter that the children had only been awake for half an hour. There was yelling and stomping of feet and crying and lots of "righteous indignation." Why is it that the moment I try and take a shower (or make a phone call) the children start to argue and fuss at each other? I could blame it on the rainy, dreary weather, but I won't. We all know better than that.

I warned from the top of the stairs..."I am a mommy, not a referee! Please try and work it out!"...and then I waited, counted to 100 or so and began to feel more calm when I heard the slap. Someone hit someone else and that was IT!

I ran downstairs to see what had happened and to try and sort out the ensuing chaos. Everyone was crying, everyone was angry, everyone was talking at once, and no one was listening to me. "THAT'S IT! GO BACK UP TO YOUR ROOMS AND START OVER!" Silence. That declaration was met with three blank stares. I lowered the tone of my voice and declared that we were rewinding today. We were going to go back upstairs and start our day over, this time the right way. We prayed and you could feel the tension dissipate. My two oldest decided that the only appropriate way to rewind the day was to walk backwards through the house and up the stairs. The little one and I joined in and we all started to laugh. We crawled back in our beds and "woke up" again - this time being exceedingly polite. "Good morning little cherubs. How are you all feeling on this beautiful Spring morning?" (more giggling). "Good morning, dear mother. Might I pour you some coffee." What could have been a disastrous start to our day was turned around by prayer, a little laughter and some forgiveness.

I thank God that He graciously allows us to "press the rewind button" in our walk with Him. We don't have to continue in our wrong thinking or our grouchiness (even if it is raining). All we have to do is confess where we went wrong and He will help us make things right.

Having it all together...

I'm not perfect.

There, I said it.

Are you shocked? I don't think a single one of you fell out of your chair (except perhaps with laughter) when you read that statement.

So why is it so important that I give the appearance of "having it all together?" Am I the only one? I doubt it, because God interrupted my shower with this blog post. Why is it that I seem to only cling to the first part of Philippians 4:13 (I can do all things) and ignore the second (through Christ who gives me strength.)? This is just another lie that I tell myself. It is really just fear of man, and therefore, sin.

Would the world really fall apart if I left the dirty dishes on the kitchen table, or left the house in my grubby, comfy clothes? I doubt it. God can't shine through me if I'm busy covering up weakness in my life. God doesn't shine through my efforts to "do it all." He shows Himself strong when I allow myself to be weak, to say without You, Jesus, I can't even draw my next breath.

I am a perfectionist, and the daughter of a perfectionist. I don't want to curse my children with this burden, too. Because that is what having it all together is: bondage. Jesus, free me from my need to cover up just how fragile I am at times. Help me to admit to myself and to You that I really can't do it all.

Blessings to you on this Lord's Day.